Gloom: Amber Benson, Michele Boyd, and Meghan Camarena (Strawburry17) join Wil on TableTop


WIL WHEATON: Ask anyone what
they want out of life, and
most people will tell you, hey,
I just want to be happy.
And we may all differ on exactly
how to get there, but
as a general rule, good things
are better than bad things.
Today on TableTop Michele Boyd,
Meghan Camarena, and
Amber Benson are here to spend
time in a slightly different
world where the more miserable
you are, the better things are
actually going for you.
And the very worst thing
you can do for a friend
is bring them job.
I hope you have a morbid sense
of humor, because we are about
to play an award-winning
card game called Gloom.

Gloom is a darkly comic
American-style card game.
Each player controls the fate
of an eccentric band of
misanthropes, like
Hemlock Hall or
Dark’s Den of Deformity.
The goal of the game is to make
your family as miserable
as possible while making your
rivals’ families as
happy as you can.
You do this by playing
three different types
of cards on a turn.
The most common kind of cards
is a modifier card.
These have negative points to
play on your own family–
this is good for you–
or positive modifier points
that you will play on a
rival’s family.
This is bad for them.
You can also play these event
cards that let you do special
things like cancel actions.
And then finally you can play
untimely death cards on any
character who has a negative
self-worth.
That character is taken out of
the game and scores points for
the player who controls it.
The scoring is sort
of like golf.
The player who is the most
unhappy and has the lowest
score is the winner.
When an entire family had
shuffled off this mortal coil,
we will total up the points on
the dearly departed, and the
family with the lowest
self-worth wins.
So that’s how we play Gloom.
But what makes Gloom awesome is
the stories we will weave
to justify everything that
happens on a modifier card.
And we have got some great
storytellers here today.
Which family will be
the most miserable?
Which family will dance a dance
of delight underneath
the Maypole?
Well, we are about to find out,
because it is time to
play Gloom.

AMBER BENSON: My name
is Amber Benson.
And I am an actor and a writer
and a director and an
occultist on the side.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: My name is
Meghan Camarena, also known as
Strawburry17 on YouTube.
And I make really fun, creative
music videos.
MICHELE BOYD: My name
is Michele Boyd.
I’m an actress.
I’m mostly known for web work.
I was Riley in The Guild.
And ever since I’ve been
doing stuff on my
own with Team Unicorn.
WIL WHEATON: Amber,
you will go first.
AMBER BENSON: All
right, Gloom.

I have the Blackwater clan.
There’s The Old Dam, the
murderous matriarch.
You got Angel, the starry-eyed
serial killer.
WIL WHEATON: Right.
AMBER BENSON: And then you’ve
Balthazar, the unfaithful
hound, and Cousin Mordecai,
the redheaded stepchild.
All right.
Well, I was feeling kind of
sorry for Cousin Mordecai,
because he actually is from
Massachusetts, Cousin Mordecai.
And in Massachusetts you can
be married if you’re a
same-sex couple, right?
WIL WHEATON: Right, right.
AMBER BENSON: So he went
through this beautiful
ceremony where he married
his partner.
And right as they were saying
the final I do’s, he was
widowed at the wedding.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
That’s so sad.
AMBER BENSON: That’s
so terrible.
Poor Cousin Mordecai.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, that sucks.
Poor Cousin Mordecai.
And you have a second death?
AMBER BENSON: I do.
So poor Angel, who is a
starry-eyed serial killer.
She was always looking
for somebody.
She was very, very resentful
of Cousin Mordecai and his
widowedness.
So she was always looking,
and she just
never found Mr. Right.
So she grew old without grace.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Uh,
that’s terrible.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah, it’s
really piteous.
I’m new to this whole thing, but
I’m very much enjoying it.
WIL WHEATON: All right.
Well, here you go.
Here’s two cards for you.
AMBER BENSON: Thank
you very much.
WIL WHEATON: To draw back
on your hand limit.
And Meghan, you’re up.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: OK.
Well, my family is
the Smythes.
We have the butler,
Mr. Butterfield.
We also have Lord
Wellington-Smythe.
He’s the duke.
We have the wild child,
Lola, and the Twins.
So like I said, we have the
Twins who go to this really
interesting school.
This school is a special
school, and
only midgets go there.
And every single day,
they go there and
they’re mocked by midgets.
[SOUNDS OF CHILDREN MOCKING]
And they’re not midgets.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, how
sad for them.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I
don’t really know
anyone at the table.
I feel it’s kind of an
interesting experience.
I’m a little freaked out.
I’m not going to lie.
MICHELE BOYD: I have the
Slogars, led by the matriarch
Professor Helena Slogar, Melissa
Slogar, Lord Slogar,
and Grogar, the lovable
teddy bear scamp.
I did hear about your twins and
their misfortune at school
and being made fun
of by midgets.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Ah, yes.
MICHELE BOYD: Did you know that
they really had their own
way of getting through school?
They decided to become very
clever at cards and make a
little bit of money that way.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Wow.
MICHELE BOYD: It helped them
get through their day with
that extra pocket change.

Now, however, my family.
I’m so sorry, especially the
little girl, Melissa.
Her father decided to write
her out of the will.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MICHELE BOYD: I know.
I don’t know how she’s going
to come back from this.
Wait, I’m supposed to
have a strategy?
Crap.
My strategy so far is just to
try to figure out how best to
kill off my own characters as
quickly as possible before
someone has a chance to give
them a better day.
WIL WHEATON: Well, I am the
traveling circus family, led
by being sinister ringmaster,
Darius Dark.
We have, of course, Thumbelisa,
the diminutive
diva, Samson O’Toole, the
bearded man, and Elissandre De
Ville, the Illustrated lady.
We’re not a very good circus.
I’m not going to lie to you.
The key to winning Gloom is to
get negative self-worth on
your guys and kill
them right away.
The saddest, saddest person that
we have in our family is,
of course, Samson O’Toole.
He’s a bearded man.
And Sampson knows that bearded
men just aren’t as big of a
deal as bearded ladies.
So after a particularly bad
performance where a child
shouted it out, that’s just
a man with a beard–
AMBER BENSON: Ohh.
WIL WHEATON: –he went to the
bar and was ruined by rum.
The circus is struggling
financially, because they have
a bearded man and
a tattooed lady.
Its should be the other
way around.
The circus isn’t doing well,
because they’re stupid.
I remember hearing a story all
about her when she was written
out of the will.
She took herself to the same bar
where Samson was sitting.
Samson took pity on her, because
she told him this sob
story about how she had been
written out of the will.
So Samson, seeing how the rum
was numbing all of his
everything, thought that
he would help her out.
So she was diverted by drink.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh.
AMBER BENSON: Ohh.
WIL WHEATON: And I will draw two
cards, and that’s the end
of my turn.

AMBER BENSON: There’s
Balthazar.
Just lots of bad things
happen to him.
He was out on the moors one
day, were he likes to go.
WIL WHEATON: The moors
of Massachusetts?
AMBER BENSON: Yes, the moors
of Massachusetts.
WIL WHEATON: Yes, of course.
I’ve been there.
They’re beautiful.
AMBER BENSON: My Cousin
Morticai, you know.
WIL WHEATON: Absolutely.
AMBER BENSON: He’s
somewhere else.
WIL WHEATON: I love that Amber
has invented the moors of
Massachusetts.
That’s clearly where all
the families live.
It’s where the circus
is going.
AMBER BENSON: So he’s out on the
moors, and he was minding
his own business.
And he was chased by children.
WIL WHEATON: Ohh.
No.
Did they tie cans to his
tail to scare him?
AMBER BENSON: They were
really mean to him.
They cut his tail
off, actually.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh my gosh.
WIL WHEATON: Children
are dicks.
AMBER BENSON: They are
devious and mean.
I think Wil knows it
a little bit better
than the rest of us.
And he’s very, very
smart and wise.
But I wouldn’t discount
Meghan or Michele.
They look really cute and
adorable, and they’re not.
They’re evil on the inside.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So the Twins,
they decided, you know what?
We’re going to go
see the circus.
Because you may not believe
it, but they’re a fan of
bearded men.
WIL WHEATON: What?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah, they
really like you, too.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So they take
the train, and they’re headed
to the circus to see
the bearded man.
And they were trapped
on the train.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah, really.
Heard about her getting
cut out of the will.
And that’s very, very
unfortunate.
But I also heard–
MICHELE BOYD: It’s not as
unfortunate as the dog getting
his tail cut off.
Let’s be honest.
You know, I feel,
as bad days go–
MEGHAN CAMARENA: But this is
what I heard through the
grapevine that after she got
done drinking, she realized,
you know what?
I don’t really want to be in
that will anyway, because all
he’s leaving me is cheese, and
she is lactose intolerant.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah.
And so she went to bed and she
was like I’m going to sleep
without sorrows.
I feel way better
about my life.
MICHELE BOYD: Meghan and I
got off to a rough start.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: We just kind
of had this like secret
competition going
back and forth.
MICHELE BOYD: We actually met
earlier today for the very
first time at a mutual friend’s
birthday party.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I was eating
lunch next Michele.
And I didn’t even know she was
the person I was going to be
playing against tonight.
MICHELE BOYD: I brought
out the game.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: And
she’s like have you
guys ever played this?
MICHELE BOYD: And she’s
like, are you
shooting with Wil later?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: And instantly
I knew this is going to be my
competition, to knock
her out right away.
WIL WHEATON: So you’re up to–
OK, good.
Guys, I have some sad news.
Samson O’Toole was in the bar.
And he felt worse and worse
and worse about himself,
especially when he found out
that the two young twins who
had been coming to the circus
to see just him were trapped
on the train.
He was so just distraught by
this that he drank too much
rye and died.
AMBER BENSON: No.
WIL WHEATON: It’s true.
That the bearded man was just
so upset that the Twins were
held up by the train, instead
of waiting a day for them to
show up, he got the 11-year-old
drunk so she’d
feel good about herself and then
drank himself to death.
Role models.
AMBER BENSON: Well–
WIL WHEATON: I think things seem
to be going very badly
for your family.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah, yeah.
In fact, The Old Dam, it’s been
really tough for her,
being ostracized
by the church.
She went a little
crazy, actually.
And she started collecting
schoolchildren and doing
naughty things to them.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
AMBER BENSON: Like leaving
them in the basement
for hours on end–
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Interesting
reponse.
AMBER BENSON: –and not
giving them food.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
It’s a bit of an extreme
response, I think.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
And then she tried to
sell them to the
circus, but of course–
WIL WHEATON: Well, the circus
is having some financial
difficulty right now.
Thanks so much for
bringing that up.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah, so she
started a fire and she burned
them all to the ground
in the house.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
AMBER BENSON: And so for this,
all of the parents came
together and were very
irate and upset
about their dead children.
So they burned her.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
AMBER BENSON: She was burned
by a mob for murdering all
those really nice children
in her basement.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I’ve never
heard something so morbid in
my whole entire life.
And I think a little piece
of me died inside.
WIL WHEATON: I did not expect
Amber to go to such an
incredibly dark place.
And I’m actually kind of glad
to be sitting around the
corner of the table from her.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I’m going
to have a cry after this.
Sad thing about the Twins being
trapped on the train.
It’s not going anywhere.
And it just got way worse.
Because someone tried to go out
through the emergency exit
up at the top of the train.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: And they
were in the forest.
And by lifting up the hatch,
it let in a wasps nest.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So they were
wounded by a bunch of wasps.
AMBER BENSON: Wow.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: It
was a messy–
MICHELE BOYD: On their way
to the wondrous circus.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah, their day
just keeps getting worse.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
And I have to tell you, it’s
not a very good circus.
They’re going to be very
disappointed when
they finally get there.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well,
their hero’s dead
MICHELE BOYD: Their hero’s
already dead.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I think
playing Gloom is a very
interesting way to get to know
all the people that you’re
playing with, whether or not
you want to continue dating
the person or move in with them
or if they need therapy.
Yeah, for sure, definitely.
Amber.
AMBER BENSON: [SINISTER LAUGH]
MICHELE BOYD: Your family, we
felt really bad for them,
especially after the untimely
death of the bearded man.
WIL WHEATON: That’s very kind.
Listen, we Darks, we like
to keep to ourselves.
MICHELE BOYD: Which
we do appreciate.
But at the same time, we felt
like you really needed to be a
little bit more involved in the
community and kind of play
really play a popular
part in parliament.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
We’re popular in parliament.
Well, look at that.
Somebody clearly took some
pity on Darius Dark–
MICHELE BOYD: Exactly.
WIL WHEATON: –because
his creditor
problem has gone away.
MICHELE BOYD: Exactly.
WIL WHEATON: Darius Dark was
feeling good about himself.
His creditor problems
had been solved.
AMBER BENSON: How wonderful.
WIL WHEATON: He was popular
in parliament.
He was whistling a jaunty tune
of happy joyful celebration.
And he walked right into a
teeming mass of porcupines
that had escaped from the nearby
porcupine racetrack.
Yes.
And he was pierced
by porcupines.
And Amber, it is your turn.
AMBER BENSON: Oh, thank you.
The Twins, when they got on
that train and bad things
happened to them and wasps stung
them and stuff, they
ended up in the hospital
before they
could get to the circus.
And I got to tell you, the
people in town kind of fell in
love with them.
WIL WHEATON: They’re delightful
children.
AMBER BENSON: They’re
delightful children.
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
AMBER BENSON: And they kind of
became the toast of the town.
MICHELE BOYD: How wonderful
for them.
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh,
that’s great.
AMBER BENSON: I think it was
a shame that the Grand Dam
didn’t burn the Twins along
with her in the basement.
We could have gotten
rid of both of them
right at the same time.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So hearing
that the Twins were in the
hospital, the sister, Lola,
is like you know what?
I gotta get my act together.
And she gets up off the floor,
and she’s like I’m going to go
and I’m going to see them.
And she’s kind of in a daze,
because she’s still a little
bit drugged up.
And she’s allergic to grass
too, so she’s all hive-y.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah.
And she walks right into the
road and gets hit by a car.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
How sad for her.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I know.
WIL WHEATON: People drive like
maniacs on the moors of
Massachusetts.
AMBER BENSON: They do.
They do.
WIL WHEATON: They’re just–
AMBER BENSON: Mass-holes.
WIL WHEATON: It’s not safe.
The Mass-holes are worst.
MICHELE BOYD: The Mass-holes
of the moors.
WIL WHEATON: Yep.
AMBER BENSON: The moors
of Massachusetts.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, goodness.
The Twins, they get out
of the hospital.
They’re doing a lot
better now.
And everyone loves them, so they
have this like ego thing
going on where they’re signing
babies’ foreheads and they’re
just walking down the street.
People are throwing coins at
them and stuff like that.
The one thing that they didn’t
know with all this new
attention, that the beggars
hated time.
Because the coins that they’re
getting thrown at, usually the
beggars get those coins.
So they were beaten
by beggars.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: And they got
what was coming to them.
MICHELE BOYD: And yet it seems
they’re have a perfectly
neutral day.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah.

MICHELE BOYD: My own Professor
Helena is always very
concerned for her
own daughter.
And the news of these twins
gaining the town’s favor, even
with being stung by the wasps,
as bad as that was, really
just sort of drove
her to despair.
And she died.
AMBER BENSON: Ohh.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MICHELE BOYD: I know.
She never thought that her own
daughter would aspire to such
heights in the community
as the Twins.
One down, still three to go.
Awesome.
Little Melissa is left
motherless now with only a
brain for a father.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MICHELE BOYD: But
she’s doing OK.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah, she’s
got that teddy bear.
MICHELE BOYD: You know,
she was doing OK.
You’d think that about her.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MICHELE BOYD: You’d think
she was doing OK.
In fact, she was feeling so OK
that she thought she would go
to the circus.
WIL WHEATON: Everyone
loves the circus.
MICHELE BOYD: Everyone
loves the circus.
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
MICHELE BOYD: And she thought
it would cheer her up even
more and continue
on her streak.
However, even though your
circus was lacking in a
bearded lady and now lacking
in a bearded man–
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MICHELE BOYD: –it had
tons and tons of
mice running around.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MICHELE BOYD: And my little
girl was menaced by mice.
WIL WHEATON: Darius Dark was
warned by the Massachusetts
moors mouser that he should not
put mice in his menagerie.
And as it turns out, he is
not a good listener.
MICHELE BOYD: No.
WIL WHEATON: He’s not a
good listener at all.
AMBER BENSON: You
are a maestro of
alliteration over there.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, thank
you very much.
AMBER BENSON: There was a lot of
alliteration in this game.
And I have to say Wil kind
of kicked my butt on the
alliteration.
He’s very good at that.
WIL WHEATON: Cousin Mortecai
actually got some weird boil
infestation that went directly
into his heart–
AMBER BENSON: No.
WIL WHEATON: –his broken heart
that was broken when he
was widowed at the wedding.
And all that disgusting fetted
boil juice filled up his
heart, and it repaired his
broken heart as it killed him.
AMBER BENSON: No.
Oh.
WIL WHEATON: And he died
without cares.
AMBER BENSON: Woah.
Wow.
Wait, I got to process
this for a moment.
All right.
WIL WHEATON: Meanwhile, back
at the circus grounds there
are now mice running
all over the tent.
MICHELE BOYD: Amok,
you might say.
WIL WHEATON: They are running
amok and menacing mice.
And Darius Dark went to a mouse
maven and said, Marianne
Mouse Maven, how can I move
these mice from my circus?
And she said, snakes.
Snakes eat mice.
So Darius went to the
snakesmith, and he
purchased 77 snakes.
And he put those 77 snakes
into the circus tent.
And what he unfortunately did
not know was that Thumbelisa,
she’s such a wee thing, was
actually riding on mouseback
around the main ring
of the circus.
And when the snakes came up, she
was startled by snakes–
AMBER BENSON: Woah.
WIL WHEATON: –and was put
into a terrible fright.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
WIL WHEATON: She is not
having a good day.
AMBER BENSON: Poor,
poor Angel.
She was into cheese.
And a bunch of the mice caught
wind of the cheese, and they
started chasing her.
WIL WHEATON: Oh no.
AMBER BENSON: And she was
running up and down the
Massachusetts moors being
chased by mice.
WIL WHEATON: Yes.
AMBER BENSON: And she was torn
limb from limb for her cheese.
And she died.
And that’s the end of Angel.
Three down, only
one hound left.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Amber
only has one of her
family members alive.
It’s the stupid dog that
just never dies.
And I’m really afraid of Amber’s
gameplay, because she
seems very just reckless.
AMBER BENSON: Poor Angel.
WIL WHEATON: That’s terrible.
AMBER BENSON: Poor Angel.
But Darius Dark, he just keeps
having these money windfalls.
And the Blackwater clan,
there’s a lot of
death going on here.
And they wanted to leave some of
their legacy to Darius for
all the years of fun and
childish whimsy they’ve had at
the circus, even without
a bearded lady.
WIL WHEATON: They don’t
need to do that.
As I’ve said before–
AMBER BENSON: Yeah, they’re
going to do this.
WIL WHEATON: Ohh.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
They’re done.
They did that.
It’s done.
WIL WHEATON: He landed
a legacy.
What’s happening over
there in your land?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well, the
Twins, they’re on their way
home after just leaving
the hospital.
So as they’re trekking
along, they start
getting really thirsty.
And they see this stream
where the snow had
melted a little bit.
And they take some of the water
to refresh themselves
and get going.
But unfortunately, the mice had
infested that area, peed a
whole bunch in that little–
WIL WHEATON: Oh.
MICHELE BOYD: How very
rude of the rats.
WIL WHEATON: That’s
what mice do.
MICHELE BOYD: I mean mice.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Mice, mice.
Yeah.
I think they’ve evolved
now into rats is
what ends up happening.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: It’s
their evolution.
AMBER BENSON: Evolution.
Mice to rats.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So the Twins,
they were distressed by–
WIL WHEATON: I’m sorry.
Did the mice mutate on the
moors of Massachusetts?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I think it’s
more like an evolution.
MICHELE BOYD: More
than likely.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
All right.
My bad.
MICHELE BOYD: Wil is a
really fun player.
He kind of takes that whole
alliteration part of the game
and just runs with it.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So the Twins
were distressed by dysentery.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: The Twins were
a little bit easier to
build the story off of.
And I didn’t have great cards to
bring the other two family
members into the storyline.
But I decided just to focus
on the children.
MICHELE BOYD: Really everything
has just happened
to the females of this
family so far.
I don’t know why I’m so fixated
on the females.
However–
WIL WHEATON: Yes, fancy that.
Fancy your female fixation.
MICHELE BOYD: I know.
WIL WHEATON: I’m fond of
your female fixation.
MICHELE BOYD: I can’t think
of anything else.
Would you like to continue?
WIL WHEATON: I’m finished.
MICHELE BOYD: Grogar, when he
heard about his fianced bride
being menaced by the mice that
had since mutated into rats, I
mean, my god, he had to wander
into the bar and
was driven to drink.
WIL WHEATON: Oh.
MICHELE BOYD: He’s an
alcoholic bear now.
It’s terrible.
AMBER BENSON: Michele is a good
player, but I think she’s
gotten in a little
over her head.
With practice, she will get
to be a better player.
She’s going to hit me later.

Ahh.
WIL WHEATON: Do you all remember
when Thumbelisa was
startled by snakes?
AMBER BENSON: I do.
WIL WHEATON: And the snakes had
been sent into the tent to
deal with the marauding mice?
Well, in order to get rid of
all of the snakes, it was
determined that the snake’s
natural predator should be
released also into the tent.
And everyone knows that
bears hate snakes.
MICHELE BOYD: I’ve
often heard that.
WIL WHEATON: The bears were
released into the tent.
They ran around.
And it turns out that it’s
actually not bears and snakes,
but it’s bears and thumb-sized
ballerinas.
AMBER BENSON: No!
WIL WHEATON: And she
was eaten by bears.
AMBER BENSON: Poor Thumbelisa.
WIL WHEATON: Bye, Thumbelisa.
MEGHAN CAMARENA:
Oh, Thumbelisa.
We knew you well.
WIL WHEATON: It’s
so sad for you.

AMBER BENSON: So after all the
awful things that happened to
Elissandre, she was feeling kind
of sorry for herself and
sort of blue.
And so then she ended up
going over to the lake
and hanging out there.
And there was a beautiful
Gondola, and she got in it.
And there was a gondolier
from Venice who was on
a work study program.
And she fell in love.
She found love on the lake with
a gondolier from Venice
who was quite a bit younger than
her, I do have to say.
WIL WHEATON: Really?
AMBER BENSON: Well, he was on
work study, so I get it.
MICHELE BOYD: Well
done, Elissandre.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
Way to go.
MICHELE BOYD: Wow.
Really well done.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Way to go.
WIL WHEATON: Boy.
AMBER BENSON: I really
liked that story.
And I particularly liked the
look of horror on Wil’s face
when I played the card.
MICHELE BOYD: The Twins, they
weren’t going to get better.
And their time was up.
So the rats ate away at
them, and they died.
This is where it gets crazy.
The rats mutated.
AMBER BENSON: Again?
Into mice?
Backwards?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: No,
into weasels.
Weird.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, wow.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah.
I’m not for sure what happened,
but it’s weasels.
WIL WHEATON: Rats mutate
into weasels?
If you ever go visit the
majestic moors of
Massachusetts, stay
out of the water.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I didn’t read
that they were killed by
weasels, so I just had to jump
back to that, the mice
evolving into rats and then
evolving into weasels.
Because it could happen.
You don’t know what was in
that piss-filled stream.
So I have this card.
I can play two more
cards, I believe.
So I have this.
MICHELE BOYD: Unless
it’s cancelled.
WIL WHEATON: Ohh.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: What I was
trying to do was put down a
card where it let me do two
other moves, because I had
some crappy cards I wanted
to get rid of.
And Michele just cut me off.
MICHELE BOYD: That girl gave
me a look that I’m amazed I
didn’t drop dead on the spot.
There was pretty much a planning
to take me down, I
think, from that very moment.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well, I
guess it’s cancelled.
So Michele’s a dirty jerk.
She’s probably nice, but
that move was very
jerk-like of her.
WIL WHEATON: Elissandre was
delighted to have found love,
by the lake.
She went skipping along
the shore singing,
tra-la-la-la-lah, I found
love on the lake,
happy is what I am.
Lookit, there’s a rock, ow, I
fell and broke my knee bones.
AMBER BENSON: No!
WIL WHEATON: I’m sure
you all know.
You all remember that
popular song.
It was a big hit.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh, naturally.
WIL WHEATON: It was in
the ’20s, I think.
MICHELE BOYD: Elissandre, it
seems is only mildly upset.
WIL WHEATON: She has a
hunchback on her leg.
MICHELE BOYD: She does, yeah.
Which is a very, very
rare condition.
And did you know that that
kind of bone disease can
travel to somebody’s heart–
WIL WHEATON: What?
MICHELE BOYD: –and actually
spread throughout their lungs
and asphyxiate them?
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MICHELE BOYD: Even while she’s
only mildly unhappy.
WIL WHEATON: Oh, no.
MICHELE BOYD: I know.
It’s so sad.
WIL WHEATON: That’s awful.
If Amber puts her
dog down, she is
absolutely going to win.
It’s nothing personal, but I
need Darius Dark to die.
This is just so sad.
I don’t know if I should even
tell you what happened.
But Darius Dark knew the
story of Elissandre
finding love at the lake.
So he took his new bride
to the same lake.
And a monstrous manatee had made
its way into the lake.
And Darius was mauled by
that very same manatee.
If I can get a [BEEP]
death card in my hand, I can
kill Darius Dark, and I have
more than enough points
in front of me to win.
AMBER BENSON: What I’m going
to do is I’m going to come
over here to my little friend
Balthazar and tell you about
him a little bit.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
AMBER BENSON: He was
just sad because
everybody else was dead.
And I hate do this
to you folks.
Yeah, he died old and alone.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh, no.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Old,
alone, and so forth.
AMBER BENSON: I killed
them all.
They’re all dead.
That’s the end.
WIL WHEATON: Well, with that,
I guess we find out who has
the most miserable family.
So we total the points
of our–
MEGHAN CAMARENA: It’s
just the dead.
WIL WHEATON: –dead
family members.
Let’s see, Amber, how many
points do you have?
AMBER BENSON: 55, 65, 70.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
You have 70 points.
AMBER BENSON: OK.
WIL WHEATON: OK.
I have 65, 75–
MICHELE BOYD: No, 70.
WIL WHEATON: 70.
MICHELE BOYD: 70.
AMBER BENSON: So we’re tied.
MICHELE BOYD: You are tied.
WIL WHEATON: We’re tied.
AMBER BENSON: We’re tied, OK?
OK?
WIL WHEATON: All right.
All right.
We’re apparently tied.
How many points do
you have, Meghan?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I have 70.
MICHELE BOYD: You do not!
WIL WHEATON: What?
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I was about to
get on you about your beard
having extra powers, and
that’s why you beat us.
But I think–
WIL WHEATON: How many
points do you have?
MICHELE BOYD: Oh, 45.
Three-way win.
WIL WHEATON: This has never
happened before.
I’m finally in a three-way.
Michele–
MICHELE BOYD: I’m so–
WIL WHEATON: –you get the
losers couch all to yourself.
It’s nice.
You can stretch out on it.
MICHELE BOYD: It’ll be nice.
No, it’ll be good.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
You can drown your sorrows.
MICHELE BOYD: Oh, why
didn’t you say so?
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
Well, that’s what the
couch is for.
Meghan, Amber–
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Well done.
WIL WHEATON: –we’re
going downstairs
to feel like winners.
AMBER BENSON: Together.
Yay.

WIL WHEATON: You know,
statistically, you are unique.

It’s incredibly rare that there
would be three winners
in a game like this.

I’m going to go downstairs and
talk to myself about winning.
MICHELE BOYD: Thanks.
WIL WHEATON: Turn off the
lights when you leave.

Wow, you guys, the three
of you sharing
this three-way victory.
I know that there’s just nothing
that is really more
special than a three-way
victory.
Three-way victories are rare.
They don’t happen very often.
And I just want to tell you how
happy I am to stand here
and enjoy your three-way
victory.
AMBER BENSON: I feel so good
about this three-way.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I feel good.
WIL WHEATON: Well, let me give
you the official TableTop
three-way trophy of awesome.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yay.
AMBER BENSON: Yay.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: So I’d like to
thank my mom and everyone
who believed in me
and Michele.
Wait, no.
I’m not going to thank her.
AMBER BENSON: I was going to say
we were going to dedicate
it to Michele.
We were.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh.
Then the cards, they spoke
for themselves.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
Right?
Right, Wil?
Yeah.
Wil agrees with everything
we say.
WIL WHEATON: Yes, I’m especially
proud of my
masterful game play.
No, he’s very helpful.
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
He engineered the three-way,
quite honestly.
WIL WHEATON: Now quit
cock-blocking me, dude.
All right.
So I’m going to get
out of here.
But I have to actually take the
trophy with me because, as
it turns out, we don’t actually
have enough money in
the budget to buy a trophy
for everyone.
But you do get to keep
this piece of tape.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh.
WIL WHEATON: So you got
that going for you.
AMBER BENSON: Wait, no,
we’ve got to split it.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Oh,
it’s on my hair.
WIL WHEATON: In three ways?
AMBER BENSON: Yeah.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: Yeah.
Here you go.
AMBER BENSON: Let’s three-way
split this winning tape.
One for you.
One for–
I know you don’t know want
to wear it, but you’re
going to have to.
Sorry.
You get the way.

I get three.
MEGHAN CAMARENA: I’m going
to frame this.
AMBER BENSON: You get nothing.
WIL WHEATON: Can you feel
the excitement?
I know I can.
We will see you next
time on TableTop.

FEMALE SPEAKER: And you
guys exit, which we
forgot to tell you about.
WIL WHEATON: My bad.

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