Are you going to be alright? I’ll tell you what man. I’ll come over. I’ve just uh.. (Mathematical screams) (Lesbian chuckles) (intro) How’s it going everyone? It’s your boy Tyrone Magnus gaming. (ooooof) I know a lot of you are complaining, “Pyro, stop with the trending top- Pyro, no one gives a shit about Pewdiepie.” And you’re right. I-I don’t care. So without further ado… LEEEET’S– So when we last left off, we’re in this office complex with some pretty incapable security guards. Also, as well, you may have noticed. The face cam is more level with my face now. Oh shit. Wait, can I get a melee kill? Can I get a melee kill? Hello, friend. Does the nut shot still apply to this guy? I wanna see. I-I’ll give that a pass. I’ll give that a pass. A-as you may have noticed as well, I haven’t touched any of the mods… …All the mods are still intact, so this game is uh… …It’s pretty much just as cancerous as before. Now, last episode, I actually ended up shooting this woman. (Edgy black and white slow-mo) PPOOWW! Uhh… I won’t do that this episode. I-I want to, but uhh… It does actually end up making everyone hostile to ya, so… I-I really wanna do that. Kill, kill. Do your job. Good man! Good man. Proud of you. Proud of you. What’s that noise? (laughing autistically) Whoops. I-I totally didn’t see that ahea- wooah… BRO! (stfu) I’m sorry. I just… I can’t. I can’t be dealing with it man. I can’t. Just. All of you. You’ve got something wrong with you. You’ve got long faces. Just gonna sneak through this vent. Aaaaaaah, I love vents in video games, me. Uhh. Can I just go up?.. (panic intensifies) NNNNNNN get in, get in, get in! A-are we good? (crashing) Wooooowf! I would, uuuuh… I would love to be that lift, cause I wanna die. There’s just an old man in here… An old man. An old, dead man. Oh great, some Herman-Miller office chairs. Can’t–can’t get enough of Herman-Miller chairs. I know I meme Herman-Miller office chairs, but I’m actually sitting in a Herman-Miller chair right now. And oh–if any of you have got the spare money, get yourself a Herman-Miller chair. They are f–so fucking comfortable. Wait–WAIT WAITWAITWAITWAIT (fat, wheezing chortles) As you can tell with Black Mesa, the AI… it’s-it’s not too good. It’s-it’s actually quite a fucking disappointment to be honest. Are you sure? Have you- have you played the original Half-Life? (gay voice) Mmm-mmm-mmm killin’ me some vortigonts, boi– Wait, where’d that guy go? Where’d that– You better not die as well! Do you know how many people I’ve had die? (super slow-mo… again) PPPOOOOWWW! Most of them’re my fault. Not gonna lie. Hey, THINK FAST! Ah. You survived. Yanno what? I’m gonna do that every every twenty seconds to keep you on your toes. Okay? Think fast! Ohhhh. Y-you did it again. One thing I’ve gotta go do real quick is go’n get the hat, cause I actually uhhh… Cause I’m quite an idiot. I actually forgot the hat, which is the entire reason I’m doing this playthrough. (conspiracy music plays in background) Are you a doppelganger? I’ll take your silence as an apology. I think this guy’s a doppelganger, boys. I really think he is. You know how you tell if someone’s a doppelganger? Punch him in the nuts. Can you – can you – can you–Wear this hat! Stand still, cunt! Put on this hat. Put on this hat. Wear it. I want–I want you to wear this hat! If any of you actually knew how to put on headgear that wasn’t THREE TIMES the size of your head wh-I-I wouldn’t be having this problem. Alright boys. Stay with me, yeah? We’re in this together. We gotta protect this hat. We bring it back home safely, we’re sorted. (No.) (giggles) I love how I kneecap him, and then he gets in my way and apologi– These guys are too–This is why this base is just totally lost, cause the security guards. They’re too nice. Alright boys, do your thing. Kill ’em. I’ll just sit here. I gotta protect the hat. I go–Boys. Boys, you’re not doing you job. You’re not doing your job, boys. You guys climb over? Can you–a-are you–? Are you incapable of climbing over a desk? Again, I–to reiterate, this is why this base is under attack. Come on, boy. Come on, bring it. You suck, bitches. You ain’t got the .44 “magnom.” That’s like–(sexy 80s music plays) [mouths] what the fuck? Oh shit. OH–I am so sorry. I thought you were a zombie. The–the 80’s music is quite distracting not gonna lie. Can you–can you stop? [NO.] Look at what you’ve done. Look at the mess you’ve made. I want an apology. I want an apology. If I don’t get an apology in five seconds, I’m gonna come over there, and beat the shit out of you with my bare hands. Five… four… one. (animal abuse ensues) Nah nah no no no no no That’s your bed. You made it. You gotta sit in it. Now, I do want to say without coming across as a faggot– I do appreciate that you guys are watching the series and are just like showing it support ‘n’ that. I know EVERY person on this fucking site says that pretty much daily. And saying that is just dead air now. It’s just dead words. It doesn’t have any value to it, cause of the amount of saturation of people saying that shit. The fact that you’re watching this stuff means that I can move onto things that isn’t just “Guys. Pewdiepie–Pewdiepie said ‘nigga.’ L-look what Pewdiepie did.” I mean, I’ll still do it. But… I won’t do it as much! Before I start this series, I just want to say thank you all for the support it–it really means a lot to me M-my son is dying, but I can play Roblox. And that makes me happy. I swear to god 80% of this game is vents. (snail-pace realization) I’ve just-I’ve just realized I forgot the hat. I forgot the FUCKING hat! OH MY GO– I think I’ll just go on without the hat for now. HOPEFULLY, I’ll be able to double back and get it. If not… (voice quavering) This uh, this series isn’t gonna last very long, guys. (orgasm sfx) I get a lot of people telling me that they hate coffee, and they can’t stand the taste of it. But boy, if you don’t drink coffee, how do you live? Pro-probably a lot better than me. The thing is about this game: You’re playing as a hero, right? Gordon Freeman, good guy. Saving the world from aliens. You steal a lot of shit from dead people. I see you there. I see–I see you, cunt. You think you can. You think you can bamboozle me? Nah nah nah nah nah. Oh shit. [promptly bamboozled] OH NO NONONONO Fuck you, cunt. I was bamboozled. The game bamboozled me. I-I ain’t too happy. I’m gonna get a lot of comments of people saying I’m wasting precious magnum ammo on headcrabs. That can be killed with two shots of a glock or one swing of my fist. Do I care? (obviously not) What happened here? Can I take–is he Is he dead? Can I?.. Can I check if he’s dead? He’s dead. Look how many people we got with us now! We got 3 security guards, a scientist. We are packing heat. Aliens? You stay away from me and my purple hat, cause we got ourselves 4 men. Four men defending the purple hat. I can’t complain about that–you stay away! Boys! Do your thing. Good boy, good boy. I-I don’t even need a gun at this point. [instant karma] Boys, kill ’em! I get that you’re doing a good job, but it’s my let’s play. You understand? It’s my playthough. I should be the one taking point here. Not you guys. Are you a little bitch?! Are you a little bitch? Look at this jump. You can fucking make this jump! Look at that! [dying inside] Alright, boys! Good luck, yeah? Good luck. I’ll catch you all later. I’m just taking my little hat, and I’m just gonna leave, alright? Hop-hopefully, they’ll be alright. Oh–OH! OH NONONONONO Now… carrying this hat across this chasm It’s uh. It’s gonna be quite a challenge. I’m not gonna lie. But then again, I love a bit of a challenge. Yanno? Just carrying this little hat. Throughout the world. Protecting it like it’s my own. Hat, you go first. You take point. I’ll follow. Doppel got yanked. Ey. You should–you should wait up, man. I mean, uh… (personified annoyance) Wh–what am I meant–what am I meant to do? I-what am I meant– I MEANT to shoot the bomb (lies) before it went off. Not the guy in the ass. I hate to-to put this thought through you guys, but I think my characters more of a murderer than anyone else in this game. Hat, what have you done? I heard a beeping noise. (overexposed audio) Fuck off. OHhh boy, we got some ‘nades now. How about you piss off? When I get this achievement, I better have Gabe Newel come down and hug me and thank me for putting all the effort I am into this fucking achievement. Oh god. Fuckin’ell. Alright-alright! I GET IT! I get it, alright? I messed up. I walked over the trip wire. I get it. Can you stop firing at me? Please- Oh look. More trip wires. Hey, boys. Can you hold onto this hat? Appreciate it. Veeery sneaky… Very sneaky… (immediately fucks up) Oh no no no no no no no no Okay, okay, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY… [double homicide] That wasn’t me! That was the turret. Wasn’t-wasn’t me… I am completely absolved. I’m not a very good protagonist. I’m not gonna lie. The fuck? Why’re you shooting at me, cunt?! Oh kill–kill him, by all means. Is that a grenade? Is that–is that–PICK… (indignation) Let me pick up grenades! That’s the entire point! This isn’t COD2 when you can’t throw a grenade. Come ‘ere. Nah nah nah nah nah, come ‘ere. Come ‘ere. Shoot it. Shoot the propane tank. Shoot it. Shoot the propane tank. Shoot it… Wait, what the fuck? [Tank: *trollface*] (canned Seinfeld ensues) I don’t get this game! The physics do not follow… ANYTHING! The enemy can’t shoot the propane tank. with his MP5. No no no no no. But! You hit it with your fist fucking explodes. You know what? I got a machine gun out of it. I ain’t gonna complain, alright? It’s just… I mean, to be fair, he probably killed that scientist because the scientists in this game look fucking terrifying with their long faces and massive glasses. So… I think that military guy was doing him quite a favor. I’ve got my fuckin–alright, listen m8. I’ll do you a-I’ll do you a deal, yeah? I’ll give you this hat, and I’ll give you the login to my channel. Alright? (regret) I– Pyrozella. I give you Py–I can’t give you Pyrocynical. But I can give you Pyrozella. (pussy) Boys. You’re making a big mistake here, alright? (nah keep shooting) Aw shit, he’s got a red beret. That means uh… he’s an expert. [more edgy conspiracy music plays] He’s got a fucking lit cigar in his mouth! (wheezing) Hey, let’s play Russian Roulette, yeah? Gimme a second. I gotta load the gun. Uh. It’s Russian Roulette, but every chamber’s loaded. [POW] (deadpan) Aw. Shit, man. Didn’t work out for you. Sorry about that. You wanna join in? It’s Russian Roulette, but every chamber’s loaded. Aw shit, man. Uh, could you stand still? You gotta play the game properly. C-could you stand still, please? I. Am gonna come up there. And kick your ass. No no no no no no no. You don’t throw a grenade. It’s too late for that. It’s too late for that. You don’t even deserve that fucking gun! Get out of here, punk! Punk! Again, I think I’ve lost my hat. W-where’d the hat go? There it is. There it is. It’s like Dora the Explorer. (audible aids) Do you know where the hat is? Ohhhh muy bien! Dis bitch Dora? And here come y’all in the comments. Burleesie(?). You can’t call Dora a bitch. That’s not right– MAN, FUCK DORA! I hate these bionicles. I hate them. Stay away from my hat. Stay– Stay away from my hat, cunt! Don’t bite it! It’s my hat. It’s not yours. I bought this. You know how much this cost me? Well, it’s um–I-I stole it. It’s funny how the hat doesn’t set off the bombs but I do. Okay. Right, again, again, hat, I’m gonna throw you to the other side, right. Do not set off any of the lasers. Good hat. Good hat. Veeery slowly… Can I make it under this one? (whining) Yeah, I can. Fockin did it! (whispers) I just–I didn’t touch it. I didn’t touch it. Whooph! I did a pretty– Bo-boys. Boys. What are you doing? Where are you going? Where are you going? You’re just gonna get killed. You guys are retarded! As much as you are, for standing next to an explosive barrel! Does no one in this game have common sense? There we go. That’s how you do it. I mean, there’s no cover system in this game, per se. But peeking and shooting like a little bitch it works anyway. You see, what most people do is, when they’re making a let’s play, they usually call the inanimate object like a name. I-I remember Pewdiepie had that little fucking uhhh… he had that little statue from Amnesia. He called it Stephano. Do you–do you guys remember that? Oh boy, those-those were the uh… those were dark – those were dark times. Quite worrying, actually, how much these guys want this fucking hat. Like jesus man. I dunno what value it has to ya. Piss off. Are you serious? Do you really think I’m gonna be baited by that? This game does not understand how suspense works in any way. Do you eat grenades? Oh my god, it eats grenades! (braying) What’s that? A high explosive? Ohh, that’s… tastes like fucking raisins. Right, boys. You’re locked in here with me now. Holy shit – oh, it’s a red beret! It’s a red ber–has he got a cigar? Has he got the cigar? He’s got the cigar. We’re out–we’re outnumbered! We gotta back up! (quiet chuckle) “I’m a red beret. “A tactical expert, yet I do not know what to do when a grenade is thrown at me.” Ah you’re too – You can’t move now, man! You’re stuck. (honking) Oh, he’s got a shotgun! He got an– Of course, you got nothing against my Russian Roulette™. Is that a shotgun? (sucks air in) Oooooh. Thank you very much, sir. I–I love shotguns. Imagine like if you shoved a shotgun up someone’s ass, and you fired like both barrels at the same time. What-what would happen? I want a Vsauce video on that. (forced stumbling and mumbling) “Vsauce! Michael here. “Today we’re gonna put a shotgun up your mother’s ass and fire both barrels.” Oh! It’s playing some epic gamer music. Holy shit. You hear that, guys? You hear that epic gamer music? There’s definitely some uh – epic gaming that’s about to go down right now. Game ‘o’clock… is now in session. Alright, boys. I’m coming out peacefully. Are they-are they bombing me? They’re-they’re bombing me. They really-they really don’t want me to take this hat out, do they? I’m-I’m coming out! I’m coming out with the hat peacefully! They are–they are calling in everything on me right now. Jesus christ. Are they-are they calling in mortars? They are mortar striking me, because I’m trying to steal a hat! This is what happens when you steal from Best Buy. You ever try and steal from Best Buy before? They don’t-they don’t let up, man. Jesus fucking christ (chuckles) It still makes fart noises when the mortars land. Listen. (laughing) Kinda ruining the immersion a bit. I’m not gonna lie. (bad Russian accent) Surprise! Right. I do need to get out of here though, cause my health is really low. And they’re not gonna stop that shelling. Where’s the hat go? I need the hat. Where did you go? I need you for an achievement. There you are, there you are, there you are. That’s like the only good thing about this thing being a bright fucking purple. You just can’t miss it. Alright, don’t mortar shell me! Alright? Boys? I’m coming out peacefully. Don’t mortar me. Don’t- Do- Okay. I’m-I’m gonna retreat down here. Hat. Hat, go down first. You go down–NO! Where’d the hat go? Where’d the hat go? Where’d the hat go?! Holy shit. Hat, move. Hat, move! Move, hat! (panic spam) How do I move–? Take the hat! I thought I couldn’t take the hat then. Oh my god… Where’d the hat go?! I lost the hat again! (ffs) Are you shooting from your dick? What?.. Are you-are you guys fucking serious at this point? (obese slurring) Oh of course, the most tactical way to take down an adversary. Aim your gun at your cock and open fire. Very good. Very good recoil management as well. Be able to kill anything. Now THAT… That was very… very intense. Anyways guys, that’s it for this episode of game ‘o’clock. We’re slightly closer To bringing the hat back to Zen. The military are now attacking us. They… they really want this fucking hat. Thanks again for watching. If you could leave a like, I will donate one pound to the Casey Neistat Okay-Hand-Sign Association. Be really appreciated. See you in the next video. Thanks for watching, guys. Stay Neistat. (outro)


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