Black People Play ‘Black Card Revoked’


– You in the car, she turn around and go,
“Don’t touch nothing,
don’t look at nothing,
don’t ask for nothing, or
you get a ass whooping.”
(electronic music)
– She’s gonna lose her black card today.
– First of all, Carlton Banks over here…
– I’m just hoping to
at least keep one card.
I feel like cats have nine lives,
I feel like we should get
more than one black card.
– There are levels to blackness.
– You lose an Uno card,
you’re still playing Uno.
– The game is not over.
– Nor do you win.
– Ron is like soy milk, gluten-free black.
– Oh, it’s been through some things.
– Well, yes, it’s a black card.
– Now I’m scared to lose it.
(funky music)
– Oh, this gives me anxiety.
(Key laughs)
I’m not a good test-taker, God.
– Stop, drop,
shut ’em down open up shop.
– shut ’em down open up shop.
– You’re gonna stop–
It’s, yeah–
– Drop, shut ’em down,
open up shop
– Open up shop.
– The thing is…
– There are several answers.
– This is a multifaceted question.
Now, if you’re dealing with police,
stop and get a camera.
– I have no idea what any of that is.
Can we phone a friend?
– Is this from the Bible?
– No!
– You know what, Brenda
sounds like it might have–
– No, Brenda had a baby.
– [Q] I think it’s C.
– I might just roll with you on C,
because I know it ain’t D.
– Purple rain, purple rain
– Oh…
– Wow.
– Apollonia is a Kanye West line.
I don’t know what he’s referencing,
or what it is, but I’m
just gonna go with that,
because I don’t know.
(bell dings)
God is good.
– Did you get that right?
– I did, indeed.
– Look at you!
– The thing is, I asked
if it was a Bible verse
and God heard me, and so he said,
“It’s not, but here’s the answer.”
– It was the Holy Spirit.
– Give it to God.
– Mmm, bless.
– Blessed be.
– Look at you.
– Oh, this is easy.
– I kinda wanna test it out.
I wanna be introduced to him,
and if he, like, doesn’t open up
and tell me kind of, like, his fears
and all of his traumas…
– His, like, credit card number.
– Yeah, like, I wanna
see what Future will do.
– [Key] Young Metro don’t
trust you, I’ma fight you.
– He’s the producer.
Oh, you gave me the answer?
– This is mine.
My answer.
– Give us all black people
you’d probably have to be
over the age of, like,
50, to get that one wrong.
– I mean, I’ll put up
C because she said it.
Is it fight?
Oh!
– If Young Metro don’t trust
you, I’ma shoot you, eh.
– In the car, she’d turn
off the car, look back,
don’t ask for nothing,
don’t look at nothing,
do not touch anything.
– In that order.
– All of them.
– Whose mom said one of them?
– Yeah, yeah, it’s like–
– You know what, you don’t look at it,
but you can touch it.
– Touch it.
– Definitely D
– Yeah, definitely D is right.
– All of the above.
– That’s how you gotta
huddle up, it’s like,
Y’all don’t touch shit,
y’all don’t do nothing.
You do a little break.
Break!
– Break
– Now who put diabetes in there.
(laughs)
You ain’t right.
– I’m gonna go with A, B, and C.
– You like grape drink?
– No, but black people do.
– I don’t give a fuck what you say,
everybody like fried chicken,
but we just be flexing
it better than everybody.
– I guess fried chicken and…
– Grape drink.
I will say that my authentic
stereotypical black self
loves me some fried chicken.
– I think I would say B, grape Kool-Aid.
(buzzer buzzing)
– Fried chicken, live and die by the bird.
– That’s why they think you like diabetes.
– That’s fine.
– That’s a good question.
– Yeah, yeah, ’cause
it was a lot of options
– All them options
could get you messed up.
– Depending on who you fucking with.
– [Amal] Oh, that’s hard.
– I’ll fight everybody for all of these.
– I’m gonna go with A.
The potato salad is a staple of a cookout.
– I might have to go with
walking in and not speaking,
’cause you don’t gotta
bring something every time,
’cause some people know
that you can’t cook.
– A
– I personally don’t like potato salad.
I say renege during
Spades, are you kidding?
– Uh, yeah.
I think you could get shot for doing that.
(laughs)
– You walk in and you see grandma,
you just don’t say nothing,
and you brought somebody with you–
– It don’t even matter your attitude,
it don’t matter how you feeling.
You better walk in and say something.
– You could be smiling, but
you better open your mouth.
– Mom, I’m pretty sure,
has said this to me, like,
in Somali.
– Really?
(laughs)
– It’s a universal language.
– [Shauna] It is a universal language.
It’s the black parents’ love language.
– First of all can you
imagine your black momma
turn around saying, “Get a clue.”
(laughs)
– Straight up, you would need some D.
You would need some McDonald’s money.
– Anything, just anything.
It’s not just McDonald’s.
Ma, can I get this new toy?
Better have some damn toy money.
Oh, Mom, can I go here?
You better have some here money.
– Hey, mom, prom coming up.
You got prom money?
– You got field trip money?
It’s $3, mom, pipe down.
– It’s a universal
thing, everyone knows it.
I think they give it soon
as you birth a black child.
They immediately give you a handbook,
and the first page says,
“Repeat at every acceptable situation.”
– No, but you gotta say
it to your babies, too.
You got formula money?
– I hear you crying, you got diaper money?
– Right
– That feels good to know that
my black card is able to
be held on to for today.
– Did you ever doubt that we
were gonna have them revoked?
No.
– This is dumb, I don’t think
I should lose my black card.
Who’s getting cussed out for
not speaking at a cookout,
because, especially in 2018,
Cardi B already addressed this.
– If I don’t see you and I don’t speak…
It means I don’t fuck with you.
(electronic music)

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